


(he is the days i can't get over) he is the nights that i call home

by writenow753



Category: B.A.P
Genre: "Music Feeds My Soul" Bang Yongguk, Alpha!Yongguk, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bakers Gonna Bake Youngjae's a pastry chef, Daehyun and Youngjae are soulmates, Fluff, M/M, Omega Verse, Omega!Daehyun, Romance, Soulmates, Teacher Dae is BAE af, fluff: it feeds this author's soul, kind of a slow burn/build in some aspects maybe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-12-14 08:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11779761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writenow753/pseuds/writenow753
Summary: In a world that is fully dictated by fate and bonds, is it possible for a connection to be formed naturally?  What happens when an omega with an alpha meets his soulmate?Excerpt:Then he met Yongguk and everything changed, falling into place like the Universe, until that moment, had been aimlessly spinning in circles just waiting to right itself.  Everything his friends had said, what his parents spoke of, it felt exhilaratingly wonderful to viscerally understand what it meant to find the one you belonged to.





	1. Crack the Shutters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I’ve never written a Soulmate AU or Omegaverse AU, nor do I know much about them. But that’s the beauty of an AU and writing, because it allows you the chance to come up with your own interpretation.
> 
> Written for Edzia, for your kindness & because you’ve been victimized by Jung Daehyun’s sexiness.

__________

 _Crack the shutters open wide, I want to bathe you in the light of day_  
_And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body_  
_I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute_  
_‘Cause the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you_

“Crack the Shutters” by Snow Patrol

__________

The day starts ordinary enough.

It’s early February, a month into his school’s spring semester. Snow from the week before still litters the sidewalks and drains, no longer pristine white but a dingy gray. A biting chill fills the air, making his nose Rudolph red and numbing his fingers. Gloves forgotten in the morning’s haste, he tries his best to warm his hands by burying them further into his jacket’s outer pockets.

Cars creep by him on city streets that are becoming congested in morning rush hour. An occasional honk can be heard from impatient morning drivers, wanting to express their frustrated annoyance.

It’s why during the week he prefers taking public transportation despite having a car and license. He rather use his commute to relax before starting his work day. Besides he’s young and healthy, and he sees no reason to pay a membership fee to some gym when all he has to do when he overindulges in food is get off a stop or two early and walk a longer distance.

With a backpack on his back carrying workday essentials and the baby face he’s been told he has, he knows he looks more like a student than the teacher he is. The first year he taught he carried a briefcase but that always felt too fussy and pretentious, so he opted for a backpack the next year which gave him the added bonus of keeping his hands free.

Normally around this time, he’d still be waiting for his bus to arrive, but he left earlier this morning wanting to swing by the new bakery that had opened near the school.

While filling his “I’m a teacher, what’s your superpower?” mug yesterday with a brown liquid that claimed to be coffee, he overheard a few female coworkers chatting about the shop’s cute decor and gossiping about the even cuter barista that worked there. He doesn’t much care about either one, but his ears did perk up at the mention of cheesecake so good it’s worthy of cheating on your diet.

That is exactly his style.

Spotting the sign, Young at Heart Pâtisserie, his mouth waters as his mind fills with images of sweet treats. He’s still obedient to traffic rules — he feels it’s important to set a good example for his students even when they’re not around — and crosses the street only when the pedestrian signal indicates that it’s okay.

Taking a hand from the warmth of his pocket, he pulls open the door, stepping aside to let customers exit before entering himself. The warmth hits him first, wonderfully welcoming, then his olfactory receptors kick into overdrive. It smells heavenly, of coffee and sweet pastries and freshly baked bread. French music plays in the background, adding to the ambiance and making customers feel like they’ve been transported to a different country.

Most of the tables are already full, which is fine since he plans to take his order to go. The walls are painted a soft shade of toffee with white wainscoting covering the bottom half. White tabletops gleam in the lighting, while a small replica of the Eiffel Tower and a framed postcard depicting a scene of Paris in the springtime sit atop each one. The chairs are mint green with white cushioning.

The wall opposite to the seating area is lined with large glass display cases that are brimming with sugary sweet concoctions and an assortment of savory goods.

Before a large group of people come in together, he hurries to stand in line so he won’t be late for work. His eyes peruse the menu while he waits for the customers in front of him to finish their order. He wonders if getting two slices of cheesecake, a chocolate eclair, and some kind of sweetened coffee drink — not sure which one sounds best, he plans to ask for a recommendation — would be considered over-kill. Plus, maybe, a slice of quiche. He’s never tried it before, but savory or not, it’s in a pie-shape so he reasons that it has to be good.

He understands why his coworkers were so enamored with the place after their first visit. It’s unique and different. It’d be a nice date out, going to the movies then stopping in for a late night treat. He looks at the menu again, maybe he’ll—

“Hi, may I have you—” He stops, sentence unfinished, as Daehyun gasps, his head jerking to lock eyes with the man behind the counter.

It happens in the tiniest, most microscopic moment. The air changes around them charged and pulsing with energy, while the surrounding noise becomes muffled over the deafening sound of blood rushing to his ears.

He doesn’t need to take off his jacket and roll up his sweater’s sleeve to know the words just spoken are now, and forever, inscribed onto his left wrist.

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The unfinished line, “Hi, may I have your order?”
> 
> Youngjae is my bias, but Daehyun continues on his quest to completely wreck my bias list, and then there is Yongguk standing to the side looking fucking hot and I’m just like LET ME LIVE BAP, LET ME LIVE.
> 
> I’m actually super excited about this story, and I hope that maybe you are too. I’d appreciate if you took some time to let me know what you thought. Feedback and constructive criticism are appreciated.


	2. All of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited while sick so here’s hoping for a fairly errorless chapter.

__________

_‘Cause all of me_  
_Loves all of you_  
_Love your curves and all your edges_  
_All your perfect imperfections_  
_Give your all to me_  
_I’ll give my all to you_  
_You’re my end and my beginning_

“All of Me” by John Legend  
__________

After work, Daehyun ends up outside the house he grew up in. He moved out shortly after graduating college, his way of declaring to the world (and to himself) his adult-status. But anytime he would feel unhappy or burdened, he’d always find his way back home, seeking comfort in familiar surroundings much like a child does with his favorite blanket. Because he knows his mother is home alone at this hour and not expecting company, he rings the doorbell first, then uses his key to let himself in, calling out a greeting as he shuts the door.

He’s got his coat and boots off and slipping into a pair of house slippers when his mother rounds the corner, a huge smile gracing her face.

“Daehyun!” she exclaims as she pulls him into a tight hug full of affection. “I didn’t know you were coming by.” She releases him after one extra squeeze and does the total mom thing of looking him up and down, scanning to make sure her baby boy is healthy and well.

“Sorry, it was a last minute decision.” It’s true. The school day filled with thirty active second-graders provided a decent distraction, helping to keep his mind from straying too often to his wrist. But with work over, he didn’t want to return to his apartment and be left alone in silence with his thoughts. As for going over to—

“How is Yongguk?” his mother asks, naming the person whose name had been on the tip of his tongue and in the corner of his mind all day long.

“Yongguk is—” he stops, wondering again how he’s supposed to tell Yongguk but there is no answer he can find, “—he’s good, mom.” That’s true too. Yongguk had been good this morning when he left his place. Although it’d been late hours before Yongguk joined him in bed, the other man still managed to wake up long enough to kiss him good morning. He’d been bleary-eyed with his ramyun hair adorably bedhead messy and Daehyun had been tempted to crawl back under the covers and make it a great morning for both of them.

But after today’s events, how can anything be good again?

“I hope next time you’ll bring him over.”

Almost seven months have passed since he first met Yongguk, a week and a half after his twenty-eighth birthday.

His parents had met in their early teens. He remembers he’d been twelve when the boy down the street, a grade above him, had found his mate. That had been the start. As he got older, it had been harder not to feel envious as one by one the friends he’d grown up with found their partner. When he had been invited out, always the third- or fifth-wheel, he had to feign interest in the perfectly matched lives they now led. The worst perhaps was the pitying looks from well-meaning relatives, who would either tell him about a distant cousin’s friend of a friend who might be the one for him or they’d quote some proverb about the flower that bloomed in adversity.

None of it had been helpful, and he thought maybe he wasn’t meant to find anyone. He started to come to terms and accept that he would be an omega without an alpha. He already had years of dealing with his heat alone, and while exceedingly unpleasant and frustratingly drawn-out (an unmated omega’s heat could last a week or longer), he had managed thus far.

Then he met Yongguk and everything changed, falling into place like the Universe, until that moment, had been aimlessly spinning in circles just waiting to right itself. Everything his friends had said, what his parents spoke of, it felt exhilaratingly wonderful to viscerally understand what it meant to find the one you belonged to. To be part of that, until now, elusive club. November marked his third heat he spent in Yongguk’s arms, and after giving his willing consent, Yongguk marked him, distinctively and forever claiming him as his omega.

He had spoken to his parents about Yongguk, but it was only after becoming officially mated did he make formal introductions. Their dinner together, out and with Yongguk insisting on paying for everything, had gone exceptionally well, and now every time he speaks to his mother she asks after Yongguk and for them to visit together.

It’s something that had made him unbearably happy, knowing that his parents approved and liked his alpha, but now he worries he’ll disappoint them when they learn about the words on his wrist.

“Have you eaten yet?” His mother’s voice and question draw him from his pensive mood.

Shaking his head no, he answers, “I missed lunch.” And breakfast, but he doesn’t add that. The upheaval of his morning successfully wrecked his usual, voracious appetite. His right arm’s in front of him, partially crossed, and though he’s wearing long sleeves, his hand goes to cover his left wrist in an extra layer of defense. Daehyun knows it’s not the most natural pose and tries to make himself relax.

“You must have been really busy to skip lunch.” Her forehead creases in concern as she studies her firstborn, seeing now that he’s only pretending to be fine. Knowing her son well, that he’ll open up when he’s ready to, she focuses on what she can remedy the easiest. “You never miss an opportunity to eat.”

“I just know how to appreciate good food,” Daehyun says, following after his mother who makes her way to the kitchen. “And yours is the best.” At his words, his mother throws her head back in laughter and Daehyun’s lips curve upward. His mom is still the most beautiful woman in the world to him and always will be.

“My son, the sweet talker,” she croons and kisses his cheek. “I guess it’s a good thing I have everything I need to cook all your favorites.”

Food hadn’t sounded all that great to him seconds before, but at the thought of his mother’s home-cooking, his stomach becomes easily persuaded into thinking differently, grumbling accordingly.

“Have I told you lately that I love you best?” Daehyun asks, cracking a smile in his mom’s direction. She answers by a short chuckle and shake of her head, then she’s shuffling across the tiled floor to the kitchen pantry. Feeling his spirits lift for the first time, he hops onto the marbled white countertop next to the sink but far enough away from the stove to avoid any potential oil spatters. It’s a habit that started as a kid, and he never outgrew.

He enjoyed watching his mother move about the kitchen as she made dinner. They would talk and she’d ask about his school day and how he did on his history test. His favorite part was when she’d give him small bites of things to try, asking his opinion on seasoning and taste. He thought everything his mother made tasted wonderful so his assistance never provided much constructive feedback. Then as a teen, there had been a short period where he felt he was too cool to hang out with his mother and wouldn’t do it at all or only for a few minutes, long enough to grab a couple snacks and head out to hang with friends down the street. He’s sure his careless attitude during that time had hurt her, but she never mentioned it or made him feel guilty.

Looking back, he appreciates the time he spent with his mother even more, knowing she could have made dinner faster if he hadn’t been there interrupting her with questions and stories. She never made him feel unwelcome or unwanted though, and for that, he’s always grateful.

And as an adult now, he still talks about school, but instead of a student, he’s the educator.

He happily fills her in on his kids’ latest personal achievements, like starting to learn simple multiplication. For science class, he’s teaching them about Earth and the solar system.

While many of the boys are understandably fascinated with space stuff — ooh cool, rockets! and funny-looking astronaut suits — he’s more than proud that several girls are equally intrigued. He wants to be the kind of teacher who inspires his students, one who encourages them to believe in their dreams and not be deterred from fields that might be dominated by a particular gender. To further ignite their interest, he plans to take his class to Seoul National Science Museum’s planetarium. His enthusiasm for the upcoming field trip matches the kids’ levels, but thirty second-graders are still thirty second-graders which is why he’s immensely thankful to have three parental chaperones volunteering their assistance.

His mother works fast and efficiently while he talks, bustling back and forth between pantry and refrigerator and cupboards, asking questions and adding in her thoughts at appropriate moments. Then she catches him up on the latest daily drama she’s watching as well as her newfound hobby of learning to quilt. She complains with affection about his father being stubborn in his old age, resisting going in for his yearly checkup. He promises that he’ll try to sneak a subtle encouragement into their conversation during dinner.

Finishing a perfectly rolled kimbap, she slices it deftly and plates half for him. “A snack. It’ll still be a while for dinner.”

“Thank you.” He takes the plate from her with two hands, eating three pieces in quick succession.

His mom satisfied that he’s eating turns back to finish her task. “I’m making extra everything tonight, and I fully expect you to share with Yongguk. I don’t want to hear later that you ate it all before he had a chance to try any of it,” she lectures him but her tone conveys amusement.

“I’ll try not to.” His mother turns and gives him the look, the one that he’s certain all mothers perfect the second their child is old enough to misbehave. “Okay, I won’t,” he laughs, making a cute V sign next to his face. “Promise.”

It’s much later, after the sun’s gone down, that they settle into the living room.

The year before his mother insisted on buying new furniture, wanting a bit of change now that both her children had left the house. But because she knew how much his father loved the old leather recliner — it had honestly seen better days, one arm sunken in more than the other side, thanks to how often his sister would sit next to their dad and watch television with him that way — that he’s sitting in even now, she let him keep it which is why it’s the only piece of furniture that doesn’t quite match.

It had been nice to come home; it’d been needed, a gentle reprieve in the mess of his day. But now is the time to quite literally roll up his sleeve and come clean.

Taking a deep breath, he holds out his left arm for his parents to see.

“What am I supposed to do?”

*

He doesn’t spend every night at Yongguk’s and neither does Yongguk spend every night at his place. He knows many alphas and omegas move in together almost immediately, and he doesn’t see anything wrong with that. It’s expected, the normal if you were both of legal age.

He still has a year’s lease left though, plus his apartment is much closer to his school than Yongguk’s is. And silly as it may sound to some, considering they’re mated and bound together, moving in seems like a big step. He wants it, and he knows Yongguk wants it, but they’re also content to not rush things. Instead, they want to enjoy the stages of this new relationship without the pressures of checking off some imaginary timeline of when it’s appropriate to do this or that.

But now, he’s not sure if he hasn’t permanently, irreparably ruined his relationship before he can take those next steps with Yongguk.

Tonight, right or wrong, he’s going to push those thoughts out of his mind, and he’s going to allow himself to take strength in the warm security of his alpha’s arms.

He hadn’t told Yongguk he would be coming by, but he has a key already and knows even without one, Yongguk wouldn’t mind.

Entering quietly he finds Yongguk on the living room sofa, working with his laptop resting on his knees. His head’s down, eyes focused on the lit screen as his fingers dance deftly across the keyboard. There’s music playing in the background, but there usually is.

Yongguk is a lyricist and works on the composition and production side as well. Though he’d been born in Korea, he moved to America at age nineteen. (Daehyun’s certain there was a reason that prompted the move but Yongguk doesn’t talk much about his past, so he’s left with missing pieces until Yongguk fills in the puzzle.) It was last March that Yongguk decided he wanted to return to Korea. Now he works freelance, having found a decent amount of success in America, enough to carry it across oceans and give him the ability to set his own hours. If he wants he can work from home or any time of the day and night, which he does when the song requires it or the mood strikes. Still there is something to be said for a semblance of a routine and a designated area exclusively for work only, which is why he rents a studio nearby as well.

Yongguk’s eyes light up seeing him, signature gummy smile appearing, and Daehyun answers back with one of his own.

“My mother sent leftovers,” he says, lifting the bag he’s carrying to show how heavy it is, before making his way to the kitchen, already as much at ease at Yongguk’s place as his own. Opening the refrigerator door, he frowns. He has no trouble finding room to put everything even though his mother had been overly generous in the portions she packed. The fridge is almost painstakingly empty, making him think he needs to scold Yongguk again and remind him of the importance of eating meals and going to the grocery store.

As he reenters the living room, Yongguk is already closing his laptop and setting it aside on the nearest end table. “You could have kept working,” Daehyun says and collapses next to Yongguk, exhausted again by the emotional rollercoaster his life had become.

“It’s fine, it’s nothing that I can’t do later. I didn’t know you were coming by tonight.” Yongguk turns, drawing Daehyun’s face closer and welcoming him with a kiss that leaves Daehyun breathless. “It’s a nice surprise.”

The kiss settles something within him, and he curls into Yongguk, breathing in the scent of the older man. “I missed you,” he whispers, wrapping an arm around Yongguk’s waist, needing the physical contact.

In return, both of Yongguk’s arms circle around him to hug him closer.

Yongguk is his alpha, and he is Yongguk’s omega.

And the man from this morning — the one who reminded him of sunshine and everything that is beautiful in the springtime, the one he ran away from in a moment of overwhelming panic — that man is his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yes Daehyun is the firstborn. I know all BAP members are maknaes irl but this is an AU with alphas and omegas and soulmates, so I’ve already taken plenty of liberty.
> 
> Daehyun, the ripe old bachelor at the ancient age of twenty-eight + his relatives quoting Disney’s Mulan to him >> Daehyun, too, is like LET ME LIVE.
> 
> Pretty sure it’s sorcery that Yongguk can look that good with ramyun hair. It should not be possible, yet it is.
> 
> Teacher Dae is BAE af. 
> 
> Pls let me know what you think of the update. Don’t be shy! Constructive criticism and feedback are <3


	3. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 300 words became 1500+ words then 4000+ words.

__________

 _I can feel the magic floating in the air_  
_Being with you gets me that way_  
_I watch the sunlight dance across your face_  
_And I’ve never been this swept away_

“Breathe” by Faith Hill  
__________

 

One day slips into three, then a week, and before Daehyun knows it, two weeks have come and gone.

It’s actually quite simple to not pass the pâtisserie. Instead of exiting two stops early, all he needs to do is remain seated. And yet, day in and day out, before he registers his actions he departs the bus alongside fellow passengers a short distance from the bakery.

It’s two weeks of being drawn to the man he knows is inside, and it’s two weeks of his heart hurting every time he walks past, not stopping in, not caving in to the emotional pull that he feels.

The world is full of alpha and omega pairings as well as soulmates that connect and bond the moment they meet, their first words to each other etched forever onto the soft skin of their inner wrist. But to actually be part of both worlds, that’s something that has never happened before.

But it’s happened now, and to him, and Daehyun has no idea what he is supposed to do.

As each day ends, as it gets harder to not meet his soulmate, as his heart aches a little bit more at his steady denial of something he desires, Daehyun begins to understand while he may win a few inner battles with himself, this is a war he is bound to lose. And he realizes too that his heart doesn’t want to fight the connection.

This morning waking up he decides today will be the day and spends an embarrassing amount of time going through his wardrobe, debating what to wear. He’s never much cared for fashion or the latest trend, but after how badly he fucked up their first meeting, he wants to take extra care in looking presentable. He’s not vain either, but he’d been told often enough by friends and strangers alike that he’s handsome. It’s nothing he is particularly proud of, or feels the need to boast about, because he figures it’s largely thanks to good genetics.

He ends his one-man fashion show in front of the mirror by choosing denim colored slacks, a cream cable-knit turtleneck sweater, and boots. Instead of the puffer jacket he wore before, he decides to wear his nicer longer length khaki-colored wool coat, adding a scarf and gloves as finishing touches due to the still too cold Seoul weather. His hair’s currently the color of warm honey, and his bangs are a little too long, reminding him that it’d been a while since his last hair cut. The school he teaches at isn’t overly conservative in their dress code policy — they even have casual Fridays once a month, allowing teachers to wear jeans and dress down if they want to — and he considers the idea of dyeing his hair this spring. Something fun and fresh, perhaps cotton-candied pastel. He knows his students will like it; he wonders if his soulmate would.

*

Because he’d taken too long getting dressed and out the door he opted to drive to work, which makes it easier for him to head to Young at Heart once the school day ends.

Anxious but determined, he enters the Parisian-inspired pâtisserie for the first time in two weeks and walks toward the display cases where he sees his soulmate busy filling in empty spots with extra desserts. There are two other employees, one standing behind the register giving a customer her bankcard back while the other man is making what Daehyun assumes is some kind of expresso drink.

His lips are dry, chapped from cold winds despite religiously applying lip balm throughout the day. He licks them, an unconscious habit of his that he’s never been able to break, and swallows hard, trying to tamp down the nervous energy that rushes through his body. This is his soulmate, he can do this.

Deep breath in, deep breath out, and then, “Hi.”

At the greeting, the other man’s hands still and his head snaps up. Eyes widen in disbelief as he murmurs, “You’re here.”

Daehyun nods, trying to figure out what to say next. It’s odd that despite being nervous, a calming peace begins to fill him. “Can we talk? I can wait for you to take a break, or come back—”

“Now’s perfect,” he interrupts, replying as he bends slightly to place the empty tray out of sight. “Just-just hold on, give me a moment.” He backs up not breaking eye contact until the last possible moment, as if he’s afraid Daehyun will disappear the second he looks away. He talks briefly to the man at the register, then to the one who’s returning from delivering coffee to a seated customer.

Meeting him as he rounds the counter’s edge, Daehyun questions him. “Are you sure? I would feel badly if you got in trouble with your boss because of me. I don’t mind coming back after your shift, or waiting a while.”

He laughs, eyes sparkling with mirth. “You’re really cute, you know that?”

Daehyun can feel his cheeks flush a rosy pink at the unexpected compliment, while butterflies take up residence in his stomach at the sweet sound of laughter. Cute, he thinks, better describes the other man. With bow-shaped lips and rounded cheeks, Daehyun is charmed.

“I’m Youngjae, and this is Young at Heart. I’m the owner, but thank you for worrying about my job security.”

“Oh.” It hasn’t been five minutes even, and he’s already embarrassed himself. He lowers his head, shifting slightly and staring at his shoes, until he realizes he messed up again. He hadn’t introduced himself either. “I’m Daehyun. Jung Daehyun.” And because he feels it needs to be said, “I’m sorry about… before. Leaving like that.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad you came back.” The smile on his face so genuine and beautiful that it makes it hard for Daehyun to remember how to breathe. “Would you be more comfortable talking out here?”

“Ah.” He takes a quick look around and sees more people have entered and he hadn’t noticed because his eyes had been on Youngjae. (He feels a sudden burst of pleasure at the realization that he now knows his soulmate’s name, and his soulmate knows his.) “Not really, maybe somewhere private. If that’s okay?” He hadn’t exactly planned out what he would say, and honestly he still feels more than a little tongue-tied, but after meeting Youngjae he is more certain than ever that the bond between them is something he cannot ignore or wish away. He also is very much aware that he’s going to have to tell Youngjae about him being an omega, about Yongguk, and he prefers not to do that with a roomful of people within eavesdropping distance.

“I know this is our first time meeting, well take two… but uh my place is actually above the shop. Would you like to come up? It’d be more comfortable than my office space.” Because he’s afraid of sounding too forward, Youngjae rushes to add, “Unless you rather not. I don’t mind going elsewhere.” He doesn’t want to scare his soulmate away for a second time. For the past two weeks, he’d gone through daily life and all his routines, almost methodically as if functioning on autopilot, and it wasn’t until Daehyun walked back into the bakery that he felt time start again, like his heart had been waiting patiently for that moment.

Though he feels everything’s moving too fast, his head spinning to keep up, Daehyun still nods, agreeing to the idea. He follows after Youngjae silently, first through a door stating, ‘Employees Only,’ then down a corridor — Youngjae points out the kitchen and office as they pass them — and finally to a staircase that leads to the second floor.

“Sorry for any mess. I wasn’t expecting company,” Youngjae says, fishing out his keys and unlocking his front door. “I don’t have an extra pair of slippers but if you want to take off your shoes and wear socks that’s fine.”

Once inside, he slips out of his shoes and coat, placing his gloves in his coat pockets before unwinding the scarf from his neck. No coat rack in sight, he holds out both in question. “Is there somewhere I can put these?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Youngjae hurries to open the door next to the entryway, revealing a closet filled with a few jackets already. Hanger in hand he takes Daehyun’s winter gear from him and puts it away, shutting the door with a soft click. “Sorry, I’m just… a little nervous now that you’re here.”

Hearing Youngjae feels similarly helps channel some of Daehyun’s nervous energy into something more like nervous excitement. “That makes two of us.”

The entire second floor is open-concept style. The entrance flows into the living room and kitchen area, to the right and left respectively. A large island surrounded by four padded barstools marks the kitchen’s ending boundary. There is no separate dining area. Further down is a hallway leading to two doors; Daehyun assumes one is the bedroom, the other a bathroom. The decor is shades of graphite gray, white, and Turkish blue. Both sofa and the sofa chair are overstuffed. Most of the furniture is on a larger scale for the size of the space but Daehyun feels like it gives the room a homey, comforting vibe.

He doesn’t see any mess besides a chenille blanket that had been tossed haphazardly over the couch and a couple of pillows that had fallen over. The kitchen area seems spotless from where he’s standing. He never considered himself a particularly messy person, but compared to Yongguk and Youngjae, he’s starting to feel that way.

“I like your place. This is nice,” Daehyun says, following Youngjae to the living room to take a seat on the sofa. He’s happy to find it’s as comfortable as it looks.

“Thank you.” Reaching for the blanket, he’s careful not to hit Daehyun with it as he grabs it from the back of the couch, folding it properly before placing it back neatly. He sits opposite of Daehyun, enough space between them to keep it comfortable, and picks a fallen pillow, bringing it into his arms to clutch. “I looked at several properties before I decided on this one, and to be honest it was the worst but I figured I could easily take that and make it into an advantage. I got my landlord to agree to a lower rent for the first few months. Money’s money so he wasn’t keen on the idea but once I convinced him to not think so short term, talking about how me making improvements would be increasing the value of the property in the long run he started to see my point of view,” Youngjae shares. “And better yet, he split costs with me on a few basic things like upgrading the wiring and fixing some old plumbing issues.”

Daehyun lets out a low whistle, impressed and attracted to the other man’s obvious intelligence. “You are a chef right? And not a lawyer or former real estate agent?”

“Just a chef. It’s my father who is a lawyer, but I did graduate with a degree in business before studying pastry.” His dad had been worried about his career choice, had wanted him to follow in his footsteps, and so he allowed himself to give in and go to school for business first with a plan to attend law school after. But he hadn’t been happy and his mother saw that, and she was a big reason why his father came around to support him. “It wasn’t a total waste though,” Youngjae says, choosing to see his father’s disapproval in a positive light, “since I knew I wanted to open my own place in the future.”

“Everything worked out then.”

“It did,” he agrees with an easy smile, standing again. He disappears after saying something about wanting to be a good host. A few minutes pass before he returns. “I don’t know what you like, but this is a new recipe I tried last night. Would you like to be my first taste tester?”

Daehyun raises his head from where he’d been glancing at his phone and sees the most beautiful thing in the world. Youngjae holding a plate with a large slice of cheesecake on it, and it doesn’t look like the basic boring kind. It looks wickedly decadent.

“It’s a hazelnut chocolate cheesecake with chocolate coffee crust, topped with a caramel expresso sauce and finished with a few toasted hazelnuts. If you’re allergic to nuts or don’t like the flavors, I can go downstairs and get you anything else you’d like.”

“That sounds amazing. Give me,” he says then grins sheepishly as he continues, “Please and thank you.”

“I take it you like cheesecake?” Youngjae hands over the plate and fork.

“Love is not a strong enough description to convey my affection.” Letting his fork sink into the dessert, he breaks off a big piece and pops it into his mouth. He’s pretty sure he moans. It’s the most amazing bite he has ever tasted, and considering how much he loves food, that’s a statement itself. “Ohmygod, Youngjae.” He takes another bite, the crunch of the nuts a perfect counterpoint to the smooth silkiness of the cheesecake. “This is… this is…” He pauses stumped, trying to come up with something semi-intelligent to say. “There are no words,” he finally decides. “You were wrong earlier too.”

“I was? Wait, let me get you a drink first since the dessert’s rich.” When he comes back, he’s amused and slightly shocked Daehyun only has a couple of bites left. “Iced coffee,” he says, setting the glass down in front of Daehyun. “What was I wrong about?”

Daehyun takes a sip, happy to learn that it’s slightly sweetened. He’s never been one to drink coffee black. “You said you were just a chef, but I don’t think that’s right. You’re more like a god of baking. I never want to eat cheesecake made by anyone else.”

His cheeks heat and color, tinged by pleasure at Daehyun’s positive reaction. Sitting with his body turned toward Daehyun, he tucks one leg underneath him, the other on the floor, and waits for Daehyun to finish. “Would you like a second piece?” he offers.

Daehyun barely succeeds in resisting the urge to swipe any extra crumbs and sauce with his fingers. “Maybe you could give me a slice to go? It was really delicious.” He places the empty plate on the glass top of the coffee table, careful not to let the dirty fork fall onto the rug below. “If you were planning to put that on your menu, I’m sure it’d be a best seller.”

“Thanks, and you better believe I’m sending you home with extra slices. There’s no way I can eat an entire cheesecake by myself.” He has a sneaky suspicion however that Daehyun could.

The answering smile on Daehyun’s face is one Youngjae thinks he could get use to seeing.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” There’s a warm glow of happiness that started to shine within him the second Daehyun walked back into his shop and into his life. His soulmate is actually here, sitting next to him, conversing with him. When he’d gone to the kitchen earlier, he had to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. And after he realized he wasn’t, he had to muffle his subsequent squeal with both hands, hoping Daehyun wouldn’t overhear him. “I almost thought I imagined it, imagined you… probably would have thought I was crazy, except I had the proof of you existing right here.” He holds out his right arm, his sweater sleeve rolled up enough for Daehyun to decipher the word.

Seeing the curse makes him grimace. Another thing to apologize for. “I’m sorry about that.”

Youngjae looks down at it and half shrugs. “I’ve seen worse.”

Daehyun is doubtful but appreciates Youngjae’s attempt to make him feel less guilty. “And I really do feel badly about leaving like that before, and for not returning sooner.”

He needs to tell Youngjae that he’s mated to someone else, but how’s he supposed to do that? It’s not like it’s something you can Google to find the answer. He should know, he already tried it. There is no best way to break that kind of news, and seeing Youngjae look at him like he’s the most important person in the world to him, is it so wrong to want to keep and treasure that for a little longer?

“I guess this is where we should talk about ourselves?” Daehyun asks, changing the subject because he’s not ready yet.

“I’d like that. What do you do? I remember you had a backpack on the first morning I saw you. You’re not still in school, are you?” He doesn’t want to learn he’s some cradle-robber; a few years difference would be fine though.

The corners of his mouth turn up as he shakes his head no. “I’m a teacher, and the backpack’s mainly because a briefcase felt too stuffy to me.” In afterthought, he adds, “I’m twenty-eight, will be twenty-nine in June.”

Youngjae’s smile widens hearing that they’re the same age. “I turned twenty-eight almost a month ago.”

“Happy birthday, belatedly.”

“Thank you… now you said you teach. What grade?”

“Second grade. I work at the elementary school nearby. It’s how I found out about your bakery, a few coworkers were talking about it.”

“Next time you come in, I’ll have to send you a gift basket of treats to take them as a thank you.”

The simple way that Youngjae says it makes Daehyun bow his head in a moment of shyness. He can’t help but be enamoured by the other man. He feels his insides bubbling with happiness every time Youngjae smiles at him. And when he laughs, he thinks it’s beautiful.

But Youngjae doesn’t know about Yongguk, and with that knowledge, he worries it will change everything. And like a coward, he pushes that thought far away and instead asks Youngjae about being a chef.

“I’m primarily responsible for all the baked goods, and while I can do savory, it’s not something I’m passionate about,” Youngjae shares. “I have someone that comes by every morning who makes quiches, tarts, soups, things like that, then I recently hired someone to become my apprentice of sorts. Thankfully he has a solid skill set already, because while I enjoy making everything myself it’s not feasible. I wasn’t sure the reception this place would get when I opened, but it’s been a good response and I need the extra help. Plus I like interacting with customers when I can, so it’s nice to have someone to help with baking duties.” If he hadn’t hired him at the start of the year, Youngjae realizes that when Daehyun first came into the shop, he probably would have been in the kitchen making choux pastry and missed the chance to meet him.

“Where’d you study?”

“Paris, Le Cordon Bleu. Obviously I was inspired.”

“Ah, really?” Daehyun leans forward in excitement. “My sister’s studying there now, but for art.”

“Parlez-vous français?”

Thanks to his sister having fun during their Skype conversations by randomly speaking to him in French, Daehyun easily translates Youngjae’s question. He had thought the language pretty before, but hearing Youngjae speak it, even just a short sentence, it makes him better understand why it’s called the language of love.

Replying back in French that he does not, he hopes he isn’t butchering the pronunciation too badly. “I know a few basic words and phrases but nothing to brag about,” he says. “How long did you live there?”

“Two years spent studying, then I stayed another two to train with a pastry chef I admired, perfecting techniques that I had learned. I enjoyed the experience greatly, but I was happy to return to Korea.” It had felt like the right time. He moved back home with his parents for a year before he made the permanent move to Seoul. Earlier when he told Daehyun about how he chose this place, besides thinking he could get a great deal on the rent, the moment he had walked in, he felt the energy of the place like this is where he needed to be. It turns out his intuition was right since this is where he met his soulmate. “I missed home and my family.” And although it may seem strange to say, he missed Daehyun too, even though he hadn’t met him yet.

“Do you have siblings? Do your parents live in Seoul too?” The questions come out easily, and it’s not out of politeness that he asks. He’s genuinely interested, wanting to know Youngjae better.

“Only child, and no they don’t live in Seoul. I don’t see them as often as I’d like to but we talk weekly and they already know how to video chat because I made sure to teach them before I left for Paris.” Youngjae remembers that particular weekend with a fond smile. At the time his mother wasn’t the most technologically sound person, and now, she’s into texting him random gifs and memes. “What about you? You have one sister, any others?”

“One baby sister is enough to give me gray hairs,” Daehyun sighs in exaggeration. “My parents do live close by though. With my sister gone, I try and make it a priority to visit at least once a month. Sometimes it’s a super short visit, and sometimes my mother will be like don’t you have an apartment to go back to? Papers to grade?”

Youngjae’s mouth twitches in amusement at Daehyun’s imitation of his mother. The grading comment reminds him he wants to hear more about Daehyun’s work, since their conversation got a little sidetracked when he asked earlier. “How many students do you have? And do you like teaching second-grade?”

“Thirty students, and it’s absolutely chaotic,” Daehyun admits with a laugh. “But it’s wonderful too. I love it. Seeing how their minds work, and being part of teaching them about the world and giving them a strong foundation to build their future with… I honestly can’t imagine doing anything else.” He tells Youngjae about the upcoming field trip to the science museum this Friday and the kids’ excitement over all things space-related.

Youngjae finds it endearing how animated Daehyun gets when he talks about his students and teaching. It’s obvious he loves what he does. They chat a while longer before Youngjae brings up the one thing that’s plagued his mind for countless moments.

“I don’t mean to pry,” he starts, which is not entirely true considering how badly he wishes to know the answer, “but may I ask why you left?” Daehyun had apologized multiple times already, and while he’d been thankful for the words, he wants to understand why. It had been disconcerting to realize seconds after meeting him, his soulmate had chosen to run away.

Daehyun knew this moment was coming all along, and yet his stomach still clenches tightly into knots at the thought of telling Youngjae the truth.

“I was shocked.” A very simple understatement.

“It can be a big surprise meeting your soulmate for the first time,” Youngjae murmurs, his eyes softening with understanding. It’s a big surprise, he knows, but it’s also something that you celebrate.

“It is,” Daehyun agrees with a small nod. “It’s just…” He pauses to steady his nerves, then he’s tugging down the top of his turtleneck sweater so that Youngjae can see the mark that while healed still remains visible. “It’s a lot more shocking when you’re an omega who already has an alpha as a mate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Though set in Korea, for this AU, while there is still prejudice and intolerance, same-sex couples are common and becoming more accepted by society.  
> *Daehyun and Youngjae’s soulmate inscription are on opposite arms, so mirror images of each other. 
> 
> I’m not entirely happy with this chapter, but I hope despite that, it doesn’t sound as badly as I think it does. Today marks my second anniversary since I posted my first fic, and while I haven’t written much this year (and this is only my second BAP fandom fic), getting lost in words and creating worlds is something that is both challenging and kind of amazing. So thank you for reading <3
> 
> Feedback, constructive criticism, general thoughts are very much appreciated.


	4. Resting Hour

__________

_Open up to me, open up to me_   
_I will always be your resting hour_   
_Give it all to me, give it all to me_   
_Maybe I can be your resting hour_

“Resting Hour” by Green River Ordinance  
__________

After leaving Youngjae’s place with a bag that’s packed with half the cheesecake (he protested, but it had been weak he’ll admit) and a few other pastries Youngjae wanted him to try — breakfast, he said with a smile, it’s the most important meal of the day, while encouraging him to eat fruit with it too— Daehyun stops back by his apartment to unload everything and to try and unwind a bit.

Youngjae hadn’t said much while he talked. He asked a couple of questions and Daehyun answered them, then he asked if he could have a few days to think about things. Which what else could he possibly say to that, other than to agree? The consideration is more than he deserves, and it’s the very least he can offer after turning Youngjae’s orderly life into one giant mess. Something as simple as finding your soulmate had, because of him, become something complicated.

Right before he left, he turned back to ask if it would be okay for him to visit the bakery over the weekend. Youngjae replied that he would look forward to it.

Daehyun still feels unsettled though, and it’s easy enough to figure out why. He’d been putting off this conversation since that morning he first met Youngjae, and now after today, especially after today, he knows it’s something he can no longer keep from Yongguk.

Today is, for better or for worse (and it’s the for worse part that terrifies him and has caused him restless nights), the day of his confessions.

It’s not like Yongguk hadn’t noticed his strange behavior. His tendency of late to blankly stare off into space, needing to have questions repeated more than once, his sporadic appetite. The way he slept with a shirt on at night when usually he complained of being hot. The way when Yongguk would kiss him, he’d clutch onto him tightly, desperately, like he was afraid of letting go; afraid that if he did, Yongguk would disappear.

Yongguk had asked him a week ago, his eyes full of concern and love, and he almost spilled everything to him right then. But he hadn’t felt ready — the fear of not knowing how the conversation would turn out had been too high of a wall for him to overcome — and that’s what he told Yongguk. He promised though to confide in him soon.

He still doesn’t feel prepared, but he can’t put the conversation off any longer. Yongguk needs to know. He deserves the truth.

It’s a little after eight by the time he arrives at Yongguk’s apartment. He uses the key to let himself in, shrugging off his jacket and winter gear to hang in the closet. Once finished, he turns to see Yongguk coming from the hallway that leads to his bedroom.

“Daehyun.”

In return greeting, he walks straight toward Yongguk, hugging him, and Yongguk’s arms wind around his waist to comfort. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he murmurs the question. “Will you tell me what’s bothering you?”

He can hear the plea in Yongguk’s voice and the worry in his tone, and he knows there can be no turning back. Stepping out of the embrace that provides him refuge, he nods slowly and takes Yongguk’s hand in his, leading him to the sofa. He sits first then tugs Yongguk down next to him.

To gather courage, he leans forward, kissing Yongguk, praying it won’t be the last time. The kiss starts heated, fueled by passion and desperation, but changes gradually into something softer and sweeter. Using his lips he writes the melody of a love song he never wants to end against Yongguk’s mouth, hoping even without words his alpha can feel how much he needs him.

He wants so much, too much almost, to give into temptation and let Yongguk take him to bed. To let Yongguk erase all his worries, emptying his mind of every little thing, until his only focus is the touch and feel of naked skin against his own, until Yongguk’s name is the only sound that spills forth from his lips.

Desiring that, he still backs away. His hands fall from where they circled Yongguk’s neck moments earlier. He doesn’t allow himself time to have second thoughts, instead he quickly rolls his sweater sleeve up and shows Yongguk his left arm.

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. Yongguk would know exactly what the words, their placement, signified.

“How? When?”

“I don’t know,” he says, answering the first. It’s something he’s been asking himself for two weeks, and he’s no closer to understanding it. Despair evident in his voice, coating his words, his shoulders slump, weighed down by exhaustion and dealing with too many emotions. He works hard to keep his eyes on Yongguk’s, to not give in and look away because of the fear of what he may find in his lover’s eyes. “It’s been two weeks,” his confession starts, determined to be open and honest, even if it costs him everything. “When I met him, I froze. I-I didn’t understand what was happening, I couldn’t. I just left. But I met him again today for the first time.”

It seems utterly surreal that a few hours before he’d been sitting in Youngjae’s apartment, and he had felt the bond that tied them together as strong as if it had been something tangible he could touch. And now, sitting here with Yongguk, mere inches separating them, he can feel the power of their connection just as vividly.

It should not be possible, yet it is.

“He’s my soulmate, Guk. Even if I didn’t have these words written on my wrist as proof, I would know,” he says quietly. And it’s like once he breaks the dam, words come rushing out like water. “His name is Youngjae, and he owns a pastry shop that’s close to my school. He’s perfect and wonderful, and we have a connection I can’t deny. It’s this emotional pull that’s… it’s different. It’s so strangely different and similar and it’s confusing.”

Yongguk reaches out to clasp his hand, like a lifeline for him to grasp onto to keep from drowning, and he squeezes it back grateful for the touch.

“But you are my alpha, we’re mated. I’m your omega, I’m yours…” Daehyun feels the hysteria coming, rolling in like a storm, tears threatening to fall like rain. He trembles as his breaths become shallower and more rapid. “I am yours,” he says, needing to repeat the words to comfort himself, to make it more real because the thought of it not being true terrifies him to the core. “I’m yours, Yongguk, and you are mine. But then, there’s Youngjae. There is Youngjae who is my soulmate. You’re my alpha, he’s my soulmate, and I’m… I don’t know… I don’t know what I am,” he cries, his voice rising in panic, distress fully taking over. “It doesn’t make sense but meeting him today and talking to him, and then being here with you… it’s undeniable. I have a connection to you both.”

He starts sobbing in earnest, unable to stop the tears from spilling forth as his heart breaks at the thought of hurting Yongguk, of hurting Youngjae.

“So tell me, please. What am I supposed to do?”

Yongguk answers by pulling him into his arms, and Daehyun goes willingly, letting him console him like a small child. Yongguk murmurs sweet words to soothe, softly stroking his back and pressing tender kisses along his skin, as two weeks worth of pent-up emotions pour out of him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” he chokes out, crying harder in apology. “I love you.”

*

It’s been almost four months since he told Yongguk and Youngjae about being bonded to both of them. It’s been almost four months and it still feels like he’s floating through life, not quite believing everything that had happened.

Against all odds, both Yongguk and Youngjae accept the fact that there’s another person in the picture. That they’re not the only one he belongs to.

It’s something he never hoped for, because it was too unimaginable to begin to with.

The bond that ties together an alpha and omega and the bond between two soulmates is something engrained into their very DNA.

He is a teacher, a lover of knowledge and learning. He’s conducted dozens of science experiments for his kids, to teach them things like simple physics and weather phenomena, to make learning fun for them.

Never before had he considered he would become the subject of a study, but that’s exactly what he does. He reverts back to the basics. It’s been almost four months and during that time, he’s noted the ways his bond with Yongguk and his bond with Youngjae differ and how they’re alike.

Alpha-omega bond  
High emphasis: physical, protection

Soulmate bond  
High emphasis: emotional, happiness

Love forms the foundation of both, while the traits are not solely unique to one bond.

Because Yongguk makes him feel desired and safe, it brings the emotional aspect into play and makes him happy. For the emotional side of things, being content and happy makes the physical connection with Youngjae deeper and knowing he’s loved provides him a sense of security.

He, an omega, has an alpha and a soulmate.

Neither of them ask about the other very much — though Youngjae does question him a little about his heats, because as a soulmate he doesn’t know much about the alpha-omega world — and Daehyun isn’t keen to bring up Yongguk to Youngjae, or Youngjae to Yongguk. Yongguk knows that when he’s not with him chances are high that he is with Youngjae, and likewise Youngjae knows the same. It’s something implied but not explicitly said aloud.

There is no particular rhyme or reason to when he ends up at Youngjae’s pâtisserie or over at Yongguk’s place. The one time period that is always, exclusively Yongguk’s is during his heats.

Despite his best efforts to try and keep his relationships separate (because he feels like he has to, that he should), it doesn’t always work out. They end up colliding in unexpected ways.

For Yongguk, it’s likely due to some evolutionary trait that had remained heightened in the alpha’s DNA.

The first night he spent with Yongguk had led to sex (his heat had been on the verge of starting), but with Youngjae, it had been different. It had been a school night, but he hadn’t cared much. They spent the night together in bed, talking and cuddling into late-night hours, stealing kisses in between laughter and teasing. The next morning he had woke up late, not having time to shower since he needed to backtrack to his apartment for a fresh change of clothes. He only managed the hygienic basics, like brushing his teeth and shaving.

Later that night, he stopped by Yongguk’s studio to take him food, because he knew Yongguk had a deadline coming up and wouldn’t stop to feed himself. Even though he didn’t say anything to him, Yongguk hadn’t been fast enough to mask his initial reaction that he could smell another on him.

After that incident Daehyun makes sure to always shower before heading over to Yongguk’s.

Then with Youngjae, it’s after his heats are over that Daehyun notices the changes in his soulmate’s touch. Youngjae is a considerate lover, who always makes sure he’s well taken care of before satisfying his own desires. But he’s also one to tease, liking to draw out the nights they spend together until Daehyun is nothing but a pliant mess trembling underneath him. But when he sees Youngjae next after his heat has passed, Youngjae kisses him more gently than ever, as if he’s afraid of hurting him. He treats him carefully, so carefully full of tender affection and whispered devotion, as if he’s some kind of precious treasure that needs to be worshipped.

Daehyun knows some would envy him, would even go as far as asking if he saved the country in another life. He doesn’t need someone to spell it out for him; he knows how incredibly lucky he is to have not one but two people in his life that care so much about his happiness that they’re willing to give him the freedom to see them both without putting pressure on him.  
That, however, does nothing to lessen the guilt he feels.

Being mated to him means that Yongguk and Youngjae are exclusive to him, but he’s unable to extend the same courtesy back. Monogamy is the fundamental building block of both a soulmate and alpha-omega bond. It’s the most essential, necessary element of their connection, and he cannot promise that to either of them.

He hates that he’s this way, that he’s different. That he cannot give Yongguk or Youngjae what they deserve. They deserve so much more than what he can offer, and yet they never make him feel that way.

A month ago, with the guilt slowly eating away at him, he tried to make it up to them the only way he could think of.

The idea of it pained him, physically hurt his heart, but it was only fair he thought, or as fair as he could try to make this situation that wasn’t very fair to begin with. He told them they could see and sleep with other people, that he would be okay with it.

It was the first time he saw either of them so visibly upset with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * For those interested because yes I did get out a calendar to figure out specific details for this story, Daehyun’s heats are every two months (Jan, March, May, July, Sept, Nov) lasting two days (dates ranging from 8-10, 9-11, or 10-12).
> 
> Other dates you may find of interest:  
> Daehyun’s birthday is June 28, he met Yongguk July 8  
> Youngjae’s birthday is January 24, he met Daehyun February 3
> 
> Since this story is a first for me in many ways, I spent a lot of time considering, contemplating, and debating bonds. How they’re similar, how they’d be different. Would one be stronger, or more important? Or are they equally essential to Daehyun? I would love to hear what you think — do you agree with my thoughts, or do you have a different opinion on the bonds? 
> 
> Comments/feedback/constructive criticism are very much appreciated and help me grow as a writer. Thank you!


	5. Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had good intentions with this story (to finish and post within a couple of months of starting), but you know what they say about good intentions. Apologies for the delay and *fingers crossed* I can get back on track with the storyline.

__________

_You are the light,_  
_To my soul_

_//_

_You steal my heart,_  
_And you take my breath away_

“Everything” by Lifehouse  
__________

Growing up Daehyun, like most kids on the planet are similarly hardwired to do, loved his birthday. It was the one day in all the year he looked forward to the most and he’d count down the days in eager anticipation. In the kitchen a calendar would hang and after learning to write he would take a bright red ink pen to circle the date and officially announce the very important event — the spelling errors decreased the older he got, but his carefree overuse of exclamation points remained unchanged.

Birthdays were amazing. It was a day centered on celebrating him (after his sister was born, he appreciated this fact more so) and he got cake and presents. His mother made all his favorite dishes and he got to have a party where he could invite as many friends as he wanted to.

At such a young age, he never thought he would learn to hate his birthday but that’s exactly what happened.

The last time he celebrated with friends was when he turned nineteen. They went out to dinner and then clubbing after where he consumed a suitable amount of alcohol to commemorate the fact he could legally drink but not enough that it would result in bad decisions that would either land him in jail or leave him with an embarrassing tattoo.

His group of friends could always be counted on to turn a good party into an even better one, and his nineteenth was no exception.

It was toward the end of their evening out when it happened.

Before collectively calling it a night, he wanted to buy everyone one last round of drinks (they insisted on buying all the other rounds so this one would be on him). When he returned, he planned to make some sappy — sappy because that’s how he rolled, and because alcohol (always _always_ blame the alcohol) — speech about how he had the best friends ever, no really he did, and how much he loved them, and how clearly they had amazing taste because they were friends with him.

Since he only had two hands, he roped his best friend into helping him carry back drinks.

A hot up-and-coming deejay had started to play shortly after midnight struck which meant two things: a hopping party atmosphere and a club so crowded it’d give a claustrophobic person nightmares. On their way to the bar, his friend saved a girl from falling after she got shoved in the club’s chaos. It was as she turned to thank him that Daehyun saw the realization on both their faces that they’d just met their mate.

After that night, birthdays no longer held the same kind of magic and excitement. Instead they became an unwanted reminder that another year passed and he was still alone.

If he had it his way, he’d much rather ignore the day completely, but that would never happen with his family. They wouldn’t let him. And so it was because he loved his family dearly, and because he knew they loved him just as much, that he showed up every year for a family birthday dinner and did his best to keep his smile bright and cheerful the entire time. He didn’t want to disappoint or worry them.

Later if he went home to an empty apartment and felt an equally overwhelming emptiness inside of him, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like there was anyone around to notice.

*

Youngjae sees the strain on Daehyun. It’s subtle, so subtle that even those who have known Daehyun longer might miss it, or the very least not understand its inner depths.

He’s always been sensitive to the emotions of those around him. It’s why even though he’s a bit introverted by nature, he tries to speak first when meeting new people so they will be comfortable, or when a conflict arises in a friend group, he’s quick to crack a joke to clear the tension.

With Daehyun, because he is his soulmate, his sensitivity is heightened to an even higher degree. If Youngjae could view emotions in color — he can’t but he thinks it would be a pretty cool trick — he’s certain that Daehyun’s would be the brightest, most vivid of all.

He can tell that it’s hard on Daehyun, not being with him and his alpha. How not having them both, not in the way he needed, is taking its toll. He doesn’t think of Daehyun as selfish or greedy, like he wants to have his proverbial cake and eat it too; it’s more akin to a physiological need he cannot control. Just as much as his soul is connected to Daehyun’s — as much as Yongguk’s alpha blood surely sings for his omega — the need Daehyun feels for him and Yongguk is something fundamentally part of his DNA.

But Daehyun is stubborn and will not say anything.

Daehyun seems (and it’s the key word here, _seems_ ) perfectly content to keep acting like everything is fine. That _he_ is fine. Youngjae is starting to hate the word ‘fine’. It’s not that he doubts his or Yongguk’s ability to make Daehyun happy. They can, and they do.

It’s just— as humbling and as hard as it is to admit, it’s not enough.

He’s perfectly aware that Daehyun will deny it if given the chance, he fully expects that even, but he can clearly see it. And beyond seeing it, he can feel it. He can feel what the separation, the compartmentalization of having an alpha and a soulmate, is doing to Daehyun.

It pains him as much as it pisses him off because he knows Daehyun will continue down his path of stubbornness, which is why he decides to do something about it.

Daehyun’s twenty-ninth birthday is coming up on Monday, and he made weekend plans for them after subtly checking with Daehyun that he didn’t already have a prearranged date with Yongguk.

(He would have loved for it to be a complete surprise but some things can’t be helped.)

It’s only a short two-night trip and they would have to return Sunday, but he’s determined to make it the best birthday celebration he can for Daehyun. A couple of months ago, Daehyun had mentioned how much he loved the ocean and that he hadn’t been in years so he booked a room at a bed-and-breakfast type of place that overlooked the sea. He had been there once before because it was a halfway point between Seoul and where his parents live, but he had been alone then. It had been lovely and beautiful and yet the whole time he couldn’t ease the ache in his chest as he thought about how much nicer it would be to share the view with someone he loved.

It’s why he wants to take Daehyun there.

Come morning they can walk along the beach, barefoot and blissful with sand between their toes, inching closer and closer to the water’s edge until waves start to lap at their ankles. Laughing and content they’ll watch the sun rise, bringing with it a fresh new start. And later, much later, after sand castles have been built and knocked down and the sun sets and the moon lights the darkened sky, he’ll take Daehyun to bed and leave no doubt in his mind how much he loves him.

*

It’s their last morning at the hotel, and the morning before his twenty-ninth birthday and Daehyun wakes first. The little spoon to Youngjae’s big spoon, Youngjae’s arm around his middle keeps him tucked securely against him, making Daehyun breathe out a soft sigh of pleasure.

Thinking back to this time last year, how much he dreaded marking another year alone and with dwindling hope of finding love, he marvels at how drastically his life has changed. For the first time in a very long time, he feels the same fervent excitement that he did as a child bubbling up inside of him. He’s certain that he’s never been happier to celebrate his birthday. He’s not alone, not anymore, and it’s an exhilarating rush of emotions to realize that.

The clock that sits on the nightstand shows it’s just past eight, which explains why he still feels sluggish considering how late he and Youngjae had stayed up. Memories fresh from the night before come back and bring a satisfied simper to his face.

After telling him that he wanted to make sure the first birthday they shared together would be a memory Daehyun never forgot, Youngjae had been on a one-man mission to celebrate every inch of his body. Inscribing birthday wishes and sweet nothings onto his skin with skilled fingers, Youngjae’s lips followed with kisses designed to arouse and unravel him slowly, surely over and over again until Daehyun’s mind was filled with nothing but the taste and feel of Youngjae. Helpless to do anything else, he surrendered fully, soaking up all the attention and love until his heart was so full he felt it would burst.

Carefully extracting himself from Youngjae’s hold, he turns to face his soulmate. He presses a sweet kiss to Youngjae’s lips and the other man’s eyes flutter open, delicately like a butterfly’s wings in springtime.

“Good morning.” Youngjae’s voice is still heavy with sleep, but his lips curve into an easy smile.

Daehyun grins in return. “Good morning, sunshine.” He can’t resist and steals another kiss. In the morning light, as if he’s the sun’s personal muse and reason for rising, Youngjae is always so damn beautiful. “Love you,” he whispers softly as if he’s sharing a secret, his hand coming up to gently caress Youngjae’s cheek in adoration. “You know we could have stayed home all weekend and I wouldn’t have cared… but you wanted to make my birthday special for me, and it was. It is. This place is so beautiful and perfect and it’s not because of the scenery at all. It’s because I’m here with you.”

Youngjae thinks back to the last time he had been here, how empty his heart had felt. And now here he is with Daehyun, his soulmate, who is looking at him like he’s some kind of wonderful, and his heart aches again. Not because he’s lonely, but because his heart is so full with love for Daehyun. “Thank you for being here with me.” Turning his head his lips leave a kiss against Daehyun’s palm, before drawing his hand down to lace their fingers together. “Happy birthday.”

*

Later that afternoon (because Youngjae easily persuaded Daehyun against going downstairs for breakfast and instead listed the benefits of having room service delivered to them, the most important benefit being that they needn’t get fully dressed which then led to certain activities involving syrup and a few feathers — the feathers were accidental, thanks to a pillow that’s now a little less full — and required a long hot shower after), they’re at the beach again at Daehyun’s request. He wanted to walk along the beach wriggling his toes in the sandy shores one last time before heading back to the concrete jungle of the city.

A comfortable silence has settled between them as they enjoy the beauty surrounding them and the simplicity of being here together. It also helps strengthen Youngjae’s resolve that there’s no time or place better than now to bring up the idea that’s been circling in his mind more and more often. He waits though until they walk a sufficient distance, wanting to ensure they’re far enough away from beach-goers so they can have an uninterrupted conversation.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately,” Youngjae starts, just as Daehyun comes to an abrupt stop. He realizes his phrasing makes Daehyun think the worst, and he quickly leans forward to brush his lips against Daehyun’s in a quiet apology and in reassurance, wanting to ease his soulmate’s fears. “And I’ve been thinking about you and Yongguk.” Daehyun’s eyes widen hearing his alpha’s name. Plunging forward without giving himself a moment to change his mind (or to wonder if, perhaps, he’s losing his mind to suggest such a thing), “I think the three of us should move in together.” He says it with all the confidence in the world, even if his insides feel the polar opposite.

“Wh-what?” Daehyun stumbles back, almost losing his balance over being caught off-balance by Youngjae’s simple declaration. Youngjae reacts fast though and saves him from falling, grabbing his hand to steady him (physically at least).

“You’re not happy, Daehyun-ah. You can’t keep fooling yourself like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The denial is quick and sharp like a knife’s edge. “I’m happy,” — he stops to take both of Youngjae’s hands into his own to hold tightly before kissing him sweetly — “I am so, so happy. I love you. I really, really love you, you have to know that,” Daehyun says low and soft, a quiet urgency and plea for Youngjae to believe him.

“I love you, too.” The words that Daehyun has said many times now never fail to make him smile and make him feel the same fluttering excitement and happiness as they did the first time he heard them. Love is, by nature, a principal part of their soulmate bond but it doesn’t diminish the joy that Youngjae feels every time Daehyun repeats those three words. “And I’m sorry, it seems like I’m wording things poorly. You are happy, but you’re not as happy as you could be… as you should be, and that is what matters to me.”

Daehyun lets go of Youngjae’s hands, ready and itching to use his hands and voice to protest the validity of his soulmate’s statement, but Youngjae forges on, not giving him the chance.

“I know you love me, I can feel it.” Daehyun’s always said the words wrapped up in such a genuine sincerity that Youngjae has never for a single second doubted the depths of Daehyun’s feelings for him.

“So then? I don’t— I don’t…” He doesn’t understand. Feeling flummoxed and not sure he can handle the conversation while standing, Daehyun drops to the sand. He doesn’t care that later he’ll need to shower and change clothes again.

Youngjae follows Daehyun’s lead, sitting down next to him, and takes Daehyun’s hand in his, needing the comfort the skinship provides him as much as he wants to give comfort back to his soulmate. “This is… it’s unconventional what we have. There is no denying that, but I love you. I love you, Jung Daehyun,” he repeats the words slowly and with a steady voice, his eyes never wavering once from Daehyun and he sees Daehyun’s gaze and face soften hearing his declaration. “I can see how it’s affecting you to not be with Yongguk all the time, and before you try and counter that, I realize if you were with Yongguk all the time, you’d still have the need for me.”

“Your solution is to move in together?” Daehyun asks, his voice full of disbelief. He’s not sure how to even try and wrap his head around what Youngjae seems to be so casually suggesting. “How can you…” He can’t finish the question. He is _that_ stunned. He’s already asked more of Youngjae, of Yongguk, than he should ever ask of his soulmate, of his alpha. How can he ask that of either of them, to give more than they’ve already freely given?

It’s not right.

He… can’t. He can’t do that.

He isn’t completely blind either. Youngjae may be extra sensitive to emotions, but Youngjae’s also his soulmate which means that even if Youngjae thinks he’s hiding it well, Daehyun knows it’s not been easy for Youngjae either, having the knowledge that he’s with Yongguk too. He hates himself that he’s hurting this precious, perfect human being that sincerely gave him his whole heart.

It cuts him deep that he can’t say the same. His heart _is_ with Youngjae. But it’s also with Yongguk.

“I thought a lot about it.” Youngjae knew Daehyun wouldn’t agree immediately, would even be reluctant to say he’ll think about it, but he wants the conversation to at least start. He wants Daehyun to know it’s okay. “This is not something I mentioned lightly, some spontaneous spark of an idea. And you ask how can I? I ask you then, how can I not? It’s easy, Daehyun. I love you. I love you enough, more than enough, more than all the water in the seas and all the tiny grains of sand scattered throughout the world… you are my soulmate and I want you to be happy. That’s it. That’s my birthday wish for you now and for every year in the future. All I want is your happiness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Youngjae’s birthday wish for Daehyun makes me emo af. (Let Me Live, Yoo Youngjae, Let Me Live!)
> 
> Constructive criticism and honest thoughts about this chapter are much appreciated. Thank you!


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